If Not Now, Then When?

Excerpt from this article.

You have been raised to believe that thinking of yourself is selfish.

So often in life, we end up living our lives based on what others want, because we haven't got the confidence and self-belief to say 'No'. Maybe our parents expect us to live a certain life ... and so we continue to live a life based on keeping them happy.

Now, of course, if you have responsibilities, it is important to honour them. This is not about abandoning areas of your life that you have committed yourself to. What this is about, is standing up for yourself; putting yourself first; considering your own needs and being brave. It's a common phenomenon that people like to put you in a box, give you a role - and if you don't perform as they expect, they react - maybe they get moody, maybe they get angry; but you can bet they'll make you feel bad for daring to upset their reality.

What you must remember is: if you do have people in your life who make you feel like you have a role to perform, and they make you feel guilty if you don’t, then who’s needs are they considering? Their own! - and if you are considering their needs, and they are considering their needs, then who’s looking after you?

Thinking of yourself is not selfish; thinking only of yourself, to the detriment of others, is selfish. Remember, we are talking about adults here; people who can take care of themselves. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you have a responsibility to make them happy. That is their responsibility.

Making your happiness as a priority is not being selfish.

Excerpt from this article:

In the shame/blame-based culture we live in, we are made to feel that we are responsible for everyone and everything’s welfare: it puts the focus on you! It teaches you that you should feel guilty over other people’s failures; that it is your fault and to see yourself as the failure, or the problem, because you didn’t fix it or prevent it: you are supposed to take all of the blame.

If you don’t accept it and instead ask others to take ownership and responsibility for their actions and choices - and stand up for yourself - you are told that you are wrong, selfish, aggressive and mean. It is not selfish, mean, insensitive, or inconsiderate: you are just taking ownership and responsibility for you. There is nothing in that sick, dysfunctional environment to justify other people’s failures being all thrown on you - they need to take ownership or responsibility for own their lives.

People who truly love you will not further negative self-images you have of yourself.

Those people invalidate any claim of loving or caring about you when they back you into that corner and make you out to be the selfish, or the mean one, and try to get you to “back down” - when all you are doing, is simply holding out for your own self, and asking them to have some personal accountability, as well. Being assertive means being able to express and stand-up for your feelings, opinions, beliefs, and needs - directly, openly and honestly - without violating the personal rights of others at the same time. It means standing up for yourself. You have a right to your own mind and to your own opinion. No one, not even your closest relative, has the right to demand thinking for you.

Assertive behavior is often confused with aggression. The difference is that aggressive behavior is self-enhancing at the expense of others; other people’s feelings and rights are ignored, violated and not taken into consideration. An assertive person does consider others - and asks for and stands-up for - the same thing in return.

NOTE TO SELF.

Critical Thinking Discussion: Generational Core Values.

Each generation bases their decisions on their own core values. What are your core values? Make a list of your core values and then select two, and only two, that you feel illustrate your own personal core values.

My personal core values are [in no particular order]:

• Individuality
• Creativity
• Diversity
• Tolerance
• Honesty
• Integrity
• Empathy
• Hope
• Morality
• Family
• Achievement

The two that I feel are the most important to me are tolerance and empathy. I list this even over family, because [the way I see it, anyway], one's relationship with one's family is directly influenced by a display -- and by a lack of -- these two qualities, as well as bearing directly on one's social interactions in general. I think that the Millennial Generation's [in general] willingness and ability to accept others, even when they are different, says a lot about how far we've come from generations in the past, who had been raised with values steeped in prejudice and racism. Tolerant and empathetic people are not only better at displaying warmth and understanding, but they are also more socially competent -- and socially competent people are more successful in life. So, really, these qualities are just as essential as any academic training.

The fact is, we live in a diverse world, so not only are these traits desirable -- they are necessary.

Backstabbers Are Only Powerful When Your Back Is Turned.

This is a personal rant.

I've always wondered what it is that people are thinking when they act two-faced. Tell me, sweetie, do you really feel smarter for your sneakiness? Do you really think that people are stupid and can't see the forest for the trees? Do you feel more powerful and in control now? Do you feel good about yourself when you look at your reflection in the mirror?

And you know how wicked you are for it. Would the backstabber cry when stabbed? Louder than anyone.

I've been told many times that backstabbers act the way that they do out of insecurity. I've decided to dwell on that logic - people enjoy power. Some people abuse power, and they do it from fear. No one needs to abuse power when they feel secure; when they know that they are competent and capable; when they have nothing to prove. No one lies or hides if they truly believe that their actions are justifiable. When a person knows that you are better, stronger, or more confident than they are, that's when people use sneakiness as a tactic. They know that they can't match up with you one-on-one. The question that I've battled with myself on this issue is, "Am I willing to give up my integrity and peace of mind on a daily basis in order to play into someone else's misguided power games?" Like anyone who feels in any way betrayed, the popular motto of "Don't get mad - get even" plays on a loop in my head, and I'm so tempted to give that person a taste of his or her own medicine.

There are risks with this. You may be happier. People may gravitate towards you and want to play on your team. You may become a leader and have an army of sorts willing to inflict pain on the other person with you or for you. You could be a shape-shifter, and a damn good one - just like the backstabber you loathe and despise - but how are you any better, then? And again, would the backstabber cry when stabbed? Louder than anyone. With that in mind, is it really in your best interest to continue this cold game of backstabbing and plot revenge?

Whenever I face such a dilemma as this - as if I had a devil and an angel sitting on either shoulder, a voice of reason will chime in my head, as well: 'How about this, though? How about you behave in integrity with your values and refuse to play? Wouldn't that feel better? Would you enjoy each day more? And, eventually, other people will get the message.'

Despite all of my temptations to go along with my default drive of vengeance, I almost always see the wisdom in the peaceful approach, and go along that route, instead. Consider, for instance, the first rule of change: Be the change you want to see in the world. That's what Gandhi said, and I believe it is paramount. How can a person honestly expect behaviors from others that they are not personally demonstrating themselves? I'm not talking about being a wuss, a doormat or a snob. This is about being in integrity with what you value, with being the sort of person that you most wish there was more of in the world. Use your energy, time and resources in ways that make you feel good every day.

After all, this is a quality of life that you're creating. And guess what? If you choose to be mild-tempered, you'll be the one who is promulgating positivity. You'll be the one showing that there is another - a better way - to make it through the day. And, other people just may want you in their life as a result. Why? Because you are easy to be around. That has to be attractive.

In conclusion, here is another note to self:

Your best defense is to be calm, straightforward, and let them know that you know that they have some hidden agenda. That is you calling them out on your court, to compete on your terms - and not letting them use their sneaky approach.

Hang in. Backstabbers lose every day.

Critical Thinking Project: Fundraising For Cancer.

["Rough Draft Idea" - Week Three]

Horton, Paula (2010, April 25). 2-year-old loses eye to rare cancer. TriCity Herald. Retrieved from: http://www.tri-cityherald.com/2010/04/25/990098/2-year-old-loses-eye-to-rare-cancer.html?storylink=addthis.

This article, as the title suggests, reports on a two-year old girl who was diagnosed with Retinoblastoma, a rare form of eye cancer, and lost an eye because of it. The reason I decided to use this article for the project this week is because it lists basic facts about the disease that our team's fundraising would focus on.

↑ PERSONAL NOTE: I'm not entirely sure what this has to do with the goal of fundraising for a benefit - O.o - but, the team asked me to research eye cancer a little bit and to find an article on the topic, so - there you have it.


* * * * *


Cancer Fund-raising Ideas [Budget cannot exceed $1,000]

I think that hosting a Relay would be the easiest way to raise money -- initially, I wanted to host an event that would have food, music, games, etc., but not only would that be a lot of work, but it would most likely exceed our team's expense budget. In my opinion, our best bet is to host a fundraising walk, hosted by volunteer workers, with the idea of increasing awareness of the disease. It would be $10 to walk - and if we can get 500 people to walk in our event, than we have raised $5,000 to benefit the American Cancer Society. We would take this opportunity to celebrate with the survivors of cancer, as well as honoring the memory of those who have died from the disease. I would like to suggest to my team that we host this event at a school; not only would a school track be a great choice for this event, but it would also be a great place to begin spreading awareness; the likelihood of our attracting at least 500 people would greatly be increased.

Basically, the tasks to be completed [in order] are as follows:

- Find a school location for the use of their track.
- Round up volunteer workers, to ensure everything runs smoothly and that people are paying an entry fee of $10 to walk.

*Edited: Idea pitch of mandatory entry fee has been waived.

Top Ten Things Women Should Know About Men.

By Angel Za

1. There are two types of men - the honorable and the dishonorable man.
You must never get married until you learn to tell the difference between the two types of men. Your life will be trashed if you choose to be with a man who has no integrity and self-control.

2. Good men need to be treated like good men - and dishonorable males are meant to be left alone.
Ladies - we should adore, support, and give well-earned respect to our good men who do try their best to handle their responsibilities. No man is perfect, but the ones that really do try their best - these men are such treasures, and they will never turn back to the women that hate them simply for the things that the other dishonorable men do. Do stroke their ego sometimes and respect their manhood. If he deserves your praise, then give him praise - and often. Please cherish him.

3. Deceitful, manipulative, promiscuous and selfish women are not worthy of an honorable man.
They never were and never will be.

4. Dishonorable men do not practice self-control in limiting blood flow between his brain and his stick.
It doesn’t matter if you are the hottest thing in town; he would still sleep around - and sooner or later, give you a disease or two on top of it.

5. The dishonorable man treats sex as a de-stressing sport, you as a trophy, and any child as a result of your relationship as simply a by-product.
If he doesn’t care about the kids, treats you like a whore, and he doesn’t mind his friends’ sleaziness or bad-mouthing you - leave him.

6. If he pressures you to lower your standards on sexuality / is demanding of sex from you / talks lustily with you - and most especially if you are not his girlfriend or his wife -
There is no need to contemplate or wonder. He does not honor or respect you.

7. He doesn't take dating very seriously.
These men view relationships as transitory - which, in reality, prepares them for divorce rather than marriage. Would you like to date an overgrown child who plays with your feelings and treats you like a new toy - and then discards you when bored? You may want to say that dating should be just for fun, but it's no fun when one person is taking it seriously and the other isn't.

8. If you choose to be with the dishonorable male -
You have no right to whine or cry if you choose to hang on to those uncouth, barbaric, bastard men who manipulate, threaten, lie and undermine you. They torch your emotions; abuse you; leave you pregnant and alone; jeopardize your safety [if children are in the picture, than your 'romance' is jeopardizing their safety as well], and is otherwise harming or hurting you. There are many men out there who enjoy hurting women in any way they can; it gives them a sense of control and power. If you choose to be with such an abusive man, be sure to be his punching bag and door mat. Please indulge and enjoy every bit of heartache that you choose to keep holding onto - and don’t torment your genuine friends and any family members that actually do care about you, with listening to your complaints if you choose to ignore any and all advice. Remember! - “Zero” tolerances. You have the power to choose, and if you choose to remain with that type of man, than this is the type of life that you've chosen. Enjoy every minute of it.

9. "But everyone has hidden vices."
Wrong! Throw your own skeletons out of your closet, and don’t let them handicap you further - and be fair to the honorable men that are out there, as well. Don’t judge every man because of the actions of the stupid, selfish and dishonorable ones.

10. "By sticking around him and killing off other competitors, he’s going to marry me some day!"
"If we sleep together, will he like me better?" "If I move in with him, is he going to marry me?” The answer: “Not Likely”. Doubt me? Feel free to examine the ever-growing list of disillusioned women who are waiting for their non-committal lover to marry them. After going over what makes a man a dishonorable one, ladies - do you honestly believe that such a man would marry the woman who is desperate for him? And even if he did - do you honestly believe that he is the type of man who is willing to live up to his vows, or view his wife as a hindrance / spare tire?

NOTE TO SELF.

English Discussion: Word Choice and Diction.

What type of words are appropriate in your college papers? How does this relate to the kind of language you will use in the business world? Give an example of what you would consider as "slang." Why is slang not appropriate? What does "tone" mean? How are word choice and tone related?

When you write a paper, you are writing with the goal of enlightening and educating your reader, and to persuade your audience into viewing something from your perspective - therefore, it is important that you make every word count. This does not mean using antiquated or complicated language; especially for your college and business papers, it is best that you keep your language as clear, concise, and easy-to-understand as possible. Even so, however, it is important that the words that you say sound professional; conversational / informal / slang language will come across as juvenile and immature.

Think of it this way - before you share a business letter or a college paper with a colleague / boss / professor, read your writing aloud to yourself, and then ask yourself: Does it sound like I'm talking to that person during a break in high school? Or at a bar? - Or am I using the full power of my linguistic skills to command the attention and respect of my reader?

English Assignment: Narrative Essay.

START A REVOLUTION:
STOP HATING YOUR BODY.

It disappoints me whenever I think on the trend of getting needless cosmetic surgery to fit society's definition of external beauty. So many girls have paid so much money and gone through so much pain in a desperate effort to fit into someone else's definition of beauty.

Ladies, do we really think so little of our own bodies that we are willing to slice and dice ourselves so that other people will stop and stare? Has it ever occurred to you that you don’t have to be pretty?

I definitely understand esteem issues, but I'm referring to more than a normal 'I want to look nice today', or 'I feel ugly today' - I mean extreme self-loathing, and especially from girls who, in reality, have nothing wrong with them. Not all cosmetic surgery is bad -- there is such a thing as reconstructive surgery, for example, and personally, I am not against surgery in those cases. But ladies - is there really a serious defect, or serious damage done to your body, that you wish to correct - or are you allowing society to dictate how you view your own body?

The media and doctors often only show people the glamorous side of going under the knife - call me crazy, but I personally believe that the public should be aware of all aspects of it. What do famous celebrities who have had plastic surgeries have to say on it? Do all of them really have no regrets? Do they really feel better about their bodies, now that they have been nipped and tucked / enhanced / injected into? Is it really just a matter of finding the right surgeon? If these are some of the questions going through your minds, ladies, than perhaps a honest and open opinion from a celebrity who can afford the best of the best when it comes to surgeons may be just the thing you need to hear.



According to the Sydney Morning Herald, the 24-year old Reality TV star Heidi Montag went under the knife to have around 10 surgeries in one day, previously stating that she had "no regrets" about the procedures. However, the former star of The Hills now claims that she wasn't warned about the dangers of cosmetic surgery and sometimes wishes she "could go back to the original Heidi".

"I don't want the biggest boobs in the world and, to be honest, I would take them out and downsize them but I don't want to go under the knife again," the New York Daily News quoted her as saying.

"I thought that first night that I came out of the hospital, I was gonna die out of pain," she recalled. "I didn't think I could physically endure that much pain. I mean, I looked like I was hit by a truck. My body went through so much trauma ... little precision cuts, you know, throughout my entire body." She says she "couldn't even go to the bathroom. I couldn't even walk for days. My face was so swollen. You know, my ear, everything had stitches on it. My back was black and blue. No one should look like that. You should only look like that if an accident happened and you're fighting to survive."

You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. You don’t owe it to your mother; you don’t owe it to your children; you don't owe it to your boyfriend, spouse or partner; you don't owe it to your co-workers - and you especially don't owe it to random men on the street.

Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked “female”.

English Discussion: Point of View [POV].

Writers consider point of view when they write a document. Point of view is defined as the vantage point from which a writer tells a story. Personal narratives are written in the first person, which means the narrator is a character in the story.

Consider how the events in a narrative would be perceived differently if someone other than the narrator told them. Think of the narrative that you are writing this week. Would one of the individuals in your narrative perceive and describe the events differently? Why or why not? What would a possible drawback be of using first person?

The point of view affects everything about the scene in which you are attempting to write, so careful consideration should definitely be given towards who's perspective you are wishing to place your reader in. This is comparable to an artist in the process of painting a portrait; the method that you use in telling the story, is similar to a painter choosing which tools he decides would work best in successfully transferring what he sees in his mind's eye, onto a blank canvas. The tools are all of them useful in equal measure - you simply have to know when it is best to use one, or the other.

The way that I see it, the POV that you decide to write from entirely depends upon the genre of the story, and the mood that you are wishing to capture - so really, there is no absolute right or wrong vantage point from which to tell your tale. The drawbacks and rewards of any point of view are dependent on many factors, and is therefore subjective.

For my personal short story that I am writing this week, I am choosing to use the first person POV. Going along with the things that I stated in the preceding paragraph, I personally wouldn't look at this as a potential 'drawback' - but this is important to keep in mind, if you at all wish to write well. When you are writing from this approach, it is impossible to treat the situation objectively, or the narrator as being omnipotent. What I mean by that is, in the first person perspective, you are solely inside of my mind; you are feeling only what I feel; you are reading only my thoughts. I cannot jump into another person's head; you are only, and completely, inside of my brain. Conversely, if I used a third person POV, than you - the reader - are merely an observer, and thus, distanced from the inner mind of any particular character.