Psychology Discussion: The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Stephen Covey's book "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" is arguably one of the most influential books on maximizing potential in the past 25 years. Which of Covey's 7 habits do you see as the most valuable? Why? Can you give an example of it?

[Here is a brief overview of the book as found in Wikipedia]

At first, I wanted to choose one of the first three habits, which focus on moving from dependence to independence [the goal is to become interdependent, but as Stephen Covey brings out in his book, one cannot be interdependent without first knowing how to be independent] - but, the more I thought on it, I actually feel that the most important, out of all of the seven habits, is the fifth one: "Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood".

This means more than simply listening to what another person has to say, or simply being aware of the other person's perspective. It means putting yourself mentally and emotionally in the other person's place. It's more than thinking - it's feeling the other person's meaning. It means knowing how to display empathy, and contrary to much popular opinion, empathy is positively related to job performance.

"Though task-oriented skills like monitoring, planning, controlling and commanding performance or “making the numbers” are important, understanding, caring, and developing others is just as important, if not more important, particularly in today’s workforce."

- The Society of Industrial Organizational Psychology Conference in New York

It should be noted also that having empathy is not the same thing as demonstrating empathy. Conveying empathic emotion is defined as the ability to understand what others are feeling, the ability to actively share emotions with others, and passively experiencing the feelings of others in order to be effective.

I also want to highlight the order in which Stephen Covey lists this habit - seek to understand, then to be understood. It also means not putting yourself first.

For trustful communication to exist, understanding is vital. When a manager is an empathetic, good listener, people feel respected and trust can grow - which leads to leveraging individual differences, and the better solving of solutions. How can this be reached, if we are entirely too fixated and stopped at a "fight or flight" mentality? Highly effective people, as Covey brings out, realize that they can make the best out of issues they perhaps only have indirect control over by using empathy. Gracefully accepting the fact that we have only limited control at times, and making the best of the situation, can lead to much better results than complaining and focusing on/creating negative energy.

A brief example of this is if you have an employee who is facing a personal loss - being willing to listen; being sensitive to signs of high stress; showing an interest in the problem; showing yourself willing to help, etc., is a wonderful way of showing empathy.