I really liked how the textbook broke down derails in communication when different opinions, high stakes and strong emotions take control:• Masking is hiding one’s true feelings through sarcasm or forced pleasantness.
• Avoiding is talking about unrelated issues to avoid sensitive subjects.
• Withdrawing actions include ending a conversation or leaving a room.
• Controlling involves tactics that include changing the subject, cutting others off, or speaking in absolutes.
• Labeling involves stereotyping and name-calling.
• Attacking involves making threats or using belittling remarks.
People need to feel safe when they are communicating; good communication skills enable people to discuss controversial topics without creating anger or defensiveness. Personally, for me, this has been a massive roadblock in communication between myself and my parents; it's difficult to be open with someone when they only want to hear what they want to hear. In a personal relationship, this is bad, since - needless to say, when a person does not feel safe opening up, then they will stop being honest, and close up.
If you want to maintain good relationships in your personal life, it's crucial that you learn how to communicate about issues you deem controversial in a mature manner. Learn to control your emotions and watch for signs of unsafe communication [masking, avoiding, withdrawing, controlling, labeling and attacking]. Learn to be aware of your own and other people’s emotional states and behaviors. The most effective communication makes all parties understand that they and the others have various needs that the communication is attempting to meet, so establish mutual purpose between communicating parties. Demonstrate concern for others [this creates motivation to work for a common purpose], and since trust is the basis of any good relationship, keep in mind that trust is established through effective listening, building rapport, managing cultural differences, and empathy.
As far as communication goes in my personal life, in the past few years, communication [particularly with my twin sister] has been very positive; safe to say, we can talk about pretty much anything, at anytime. There are definitely days when our fuses are short, like anyone else; we feel tired, we feel stressed, or we don't feel good some days - but things are easily mended between us. This is because neither of us feels 'above apologizing' when doing so is necessary, we both know how to calmly express ourselves, and we both also show respect to each other by really listening to what the other has to say. We also praise each other often every single day. While we have always been close, our communication with each other hasn't always been like that, as we grew up in a household where our parents were constantly fighting and shouting. We weren't exactly taught to display patience and understanding; we had to teach ourselves as we got older. Growing up, I would often think nice things of people, but I never really voiced these thoughts out loud. I really didn't develop that trait of giving praise and compliments often in conversation until I was about nineteen years old. I actually picked up that habit from a very good friend of mine, and then I began to adapt this habit into my conversations with both of my sisters. As a result - especially with my twin sister - our relationships with each other have improved so much.
It's really amazing to me just how powerful communication really is; it almost seems silly, but just something as seemingly small as the way we phrase things, really can make a difference as to the quality of our lives. My relationship with my parents is still not exactly where I would like it to be - as much as I love my parents, my father is the avoiding and withdrawing type, and my mother is the controlling and attacking type. In all honesty, I'm a defensive person more than an offensive person [my family knows all too well how defensive I can get]; fighting is not my idea of a good time, though, so I try to avoid it as much as I can. However, I try my best to be honest and open, even when I know it won't be respected - this sometimes brings on a lot of drama in and of itself, but I believe that in the long run, it will prove to be the better course than a hypocritical one. When this happens, and when for whatever reason, I feel vulnerable as a result, my default reaction is either the masking or [counter]attacking type of reaction. But, I think that it has improved somewhat. It's difficult, but the dramatic fights aren't - at least- as often as they used to be.
I think that successful communication depends on everyone involved, but even one person trying hard does make a difference; it might not seem like it at first, but it really does.
From the school's discussion forum:
Day One:
I believe that it is very important for us to not just be good, but strong communicators. To what/whom do you owe your communication skills?
In my home, unfortunately, there has always been poor communication; lashing out and making assumptions is very common. What really trained it was actually working in retail; watching how my managers and co-workers spoke with one another and with customers really helped me to hone these skills - which, by the way, is a lot more than simply saying words that other people understand. Body language, eye contact, and voice inflection can say just as much as your words - if we're not careful, we can be sending messages through body language that we don't even realize we are sending.
What degree of importance do you attach to being a good communicator? What do you see makes for "good communication skills?"
Knowing how to communicate effectively is a massive determining factor in whether we will have positive, or whether we will have damaged, relationships with others - in our personal lives, and in our professional lives - so it is very important that we know what communication actually is, and how to communicate effectively.
Some key points in communicating effectively are:
• Think before you speak.
• Be confident when you speak.
• Be clear.
• Try your best to be relaxed [don't rush!] and open.
• Approach people in a non-threatening manner.
• Use proper grammar.
• Be aware of body language.
• Maintain eye contact.
• Listen. This is the other half of communication. Avoid the urge to blurt out what you're thinking while the other person is speaking.
• Last but not least, do not drone on. Get to the point. Be brief, and be gone.
Day Two:
Professor: Class, good feedback about communication skills. I would like to tie together both discussions and bring in again technology. It was mentioned earlier that technology maybe hindering our ability as a society to communicate well face to face with others. Do you agree or disagree and share your reasoning.
Me: I completely agree; it's a little ironic that in this day and age, technology allows us to communicate with others in ways that seemed impossible for ages - yet, there is also a massive breakdown in communication within families. The tendency seems to be to text rather than call; to watch tv rather than discuss with your family how their day has been; to play on the computer, or video games, rather than go outside; etc.
I think that what this really boils down to, is knowing how to keep technology in it's place. Yes, it really is helpful; it's nice to have a cell phone, and know that you can immediately call for help if you are lost or in an accident; it's nice to be able to communicate with colleagues or friends across the country in an instant; technology is wonderful! But how is our communication face-to-face? Are we still good at knowing how to express ourselves in person? In controlling our voice and body language? Are we good with listening to others? Are you allowing technology to create a breakdown of communication in face-to-face human contact?
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